10.9.09

okay. i know its been a while.
i just havent bothered.
but now, it seems like since i stopped, so much stuff has built up haha.
its like. i wanna tell someone, but.. i dont wanna put all my poo on other people.
so. i'll share it here i guess.
ill let you know whats up, so that you can skip all the stuff that seems boring to you haha.
1 - guys. confusing. full stop.
2 - friends. nothing bad, just like. confused.
3 - school. why? D:
bah. normal stuff. different situation.

1 - guys. yes. this IS for girls derr. =) but like. you gotta admit, guys are soooo confusing. no matter what people say, guys never know what they're doing. To all of you that dont know, yes. i do like someone LOLL. he was really nice, ugly.. but nice haha =) its just.. so many things have happened. and i thought it was all good. wait. lemme start from the beginning.. so all of you out there dont die trying to figure this out. We were in the same team sports, and i guess.. i just fell for him. stupid me. We got along heaps good. and at the beginning of this term, he told my friend that he liked me. But the thing is.. we no longer had team sports. That could have been another reason why things happened. But.. iono. anywayy, so i was like.. what would i do? like.. i'm so.. new.. to this, and nothing has even happened yet. what is wrong with me? Im guessing he doesnt know that i know he likes me. But i know he knows i like him.

Just, the past few.. okay two weeks he's been full avoiding me. It may be because he starts exams TOMORROWW!! or.. not. but it seems like there's a pretty good reason that he's trying to avoid me. But seriously, if it was exams.. why go through alll that trouble to cut me out of his life? Am i really that weird? haha xD but still.. its sorta discouraging. And yes, im getting over him.. but i know im not getting over the fact that he is sooo determined to block me out. I have a problem with things i dont know about. haha xD still.. WHY?

2 - yes. friends. They're good, they're bad. they strangle you and take all your change. but no matter what, you know that you're never going to leave them, you're always going to be there for them, whatever happens. You love them. And i do, honestly, not until late last year, i treated friends like people you could mess around with.. but then all this stuff started happening. I mean, yeahh i've done some damn stupid things, and im sorry. But, it helped me grow.. and all these things that have happened helped me realise how much i really value everyone around me.

So i know this person right, she pretty much hates herself. All you who know her, you have to agree with me. I try sooo hard to help her up on her feet.. i encourage her sooo much, and i tell her about all the wonderful things in her life. Yet, she takes no notice. She denies all the positive good things in her life, and she says all this false, negative things about herself. Its discouraging to her and me, to her because she's putting herself down, and its been going on for sooo long, that she's dug herself into the deepest hole ive ever seen. Its also discouraging for me, because i try so hard, yet.. she's still stuck. So i feel that i can't be of any help. But i never seem to give up.. iono. like.. i know.. i have stopped telling her she's not fat, she's not ugly.. but she knows that i know that. and she denies it. why keep trying? It's just so fustrating. But.. i have to keep goingg. I have to help her up.. she's one of my best friends.. and i know.. i just. i actually want to see her.. open up to people.. and be more confident about herself. She just pushes me away everytime.

To me.. its like she wants to stay in that place of .. depression.. so she can get attention. I've told her, and she denies it. She just.. genuinly thinks shes nothing. WHY? ><

3 - schooooooooooooollllllll.. arghh. stress. I mean, not as much as the first two, of course =) gladly, schools veryy fun. I know it might seem strange, but lately ive had cravings to do science and maths and boring essays. I guess it takes me away from all the social aspects of life. The thing is.. i dont have much of that anymore.. its all passed.. so im stuck thinking about everything in my spare time. LOLL. I have this textiles thing due next week, and im pretty much screwed. My commerce assignment is due tomorrow, and i have no idea what im going to do. I think i just need to step it up. But i need to get motivated. bahh. I just need.. everything to work out..why is school like this? WHYY?


It seems as if, when everything is going well, when everything seems to be like im having the best time of my life, no worries no nothing, everything comes at once. Right at the moment when im just calming down from all the previous things that have been happening, BAMM here comes another 10000 cases of drama. It's not so much about me this time though, which.. is a good thing as well as a bad thing. It's a good thing, because.. i dont feel bad about myself.. but still.. people around me are like.. iono.. its like i feel for them, because i guess.. they matter to me. I think.. the world just needs to stop for a day, so we can all think our lives through, and sort everything out. But.. thats not how things work, people that seem like the happiest of people suicide, even though they have everything to live for. They all just needed a day to sort things out, a day where everyone was there to hear what they have to say, a day for them so scream as loud as they want.. for someone to actually want to listen. They dont need advice, they dont need someone telling them what to do.. they just need to verbally express to someone how they're feeling. Its that release.. that release of stress.. and worry.. that releases them from themselves.

I guess.. they have psychiatrists for that. Maybe i'll become one.. to help people.. iono. maybe not. Im a bit impatient =) This is was God is for. God is love. God is comfort. God is my everything. Even though i have no idea how everything is going to turn out. I know my life is in God's hands. My trust is in you Jesus. =)




xo.

30.7.09

haha i thought it was way longer since i last posted.
turns out its only been a week =)

sooo.. last few days of holidays were pretty damn fustratingg.
i was waiting.. anticipating the moment we arrived at school
screaming with happiness that we could go back to seeing all
our friends everyday of the week. [cept.. saturday and sunday =D]
but.. i was also missing someone hahaha.
this sounds so.. corny xD
hahahaha.
anywayyyyy.
yeahh

its the third day of school
and im pretty happy with what i've been doing at school in term 3 =)
its sarted out pretty awesomee.
im kinda worried bout my commerce class though.
im in year 9 and im doing a yer 10 course... and so far, i have
no idea who's in that class.
but.. i can make friends =)

thursdays are always fun =)
and i guess i was lucky that we got two more weeks of team sports
hahaha. i find it esp. fun =) some people know why xD
ahahhaa.
NOT THAT MANY PEOPLE KNOW 0-O
unless some meany poo has spread the news.
hahaha. but yeahh.

LAPTOPS IN WEEK 3 =D
im soooo excitedd =)
hahaha they're free!
i mean, they're obviously not the best, but.. free.
freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
hahaha. and photoshop and stuff as well.
i have to get used to using photoshop.
hmm.

well.
i cbs to write anymoreeeeeeeee.
blaaaaaa. =)
hahaha. weeeoowwww..

Life is good =)
God is good =D




xo.

23.7.09

woah. dude has it been long
i gotta post a blog hahahahaha.

sorry havent been on in a while.
just.. so much stuff has been going on.
EVEN IF ITS THE HOLIDAYSSSSSS.
i mean. its fun
but so much stress
hahahahahah xD

boys, friends, you know. all that type of teenager stuff xD
i think i said that in my last post.
..

hahah anywayyy
i know, that i will come through =D
im trying not to play rough HAHAH.
if that makes any sense.
just trying to avoid worst case senarios.
stuff ive heard. stuff ive experienced.
it'll all be alright =D

waiting. for school
next term is gonna be so big =D
like.. we got..
FREE LAPTOPS =D
and..
more school
new subjectsss =D
hopefully with my friends hahahahaha.
im excited thoughh =D

gotta get back on a roll hahahaha.
cant wait. =)
gonna be good..

to those who care.
to those who i have disappointed.
im sorry. but this is not reason to spread things about me
which would have applied to me maybe last year.
things change. people change.
i guess we dont all realise that.

in our school, and in our circle of friends..
things spread. ruining someone's reputation.
i mean, i dont care. but i do care about what people, and my friends, see me as.
how they see me as a person. coz like.. i see people as i think i should judge them.
not how other people tell me to =D

ANYWAYY.
onn with life..
hahahah xD
EXCITEDDDDD.
=D

God is good.
life is good.
God is awesome =D
he loves me =)






xo.

3.7.09

..sorry =)
yeahh uhmm this is a more.. normal post.
hopefully =)

i just needed to get all that stuff outta my system
you know how i made that resolution about being more confident?
it worked.
then it didnt.
im still aiming for it.
once i got all that stuff out.
it was like..
WOAH.
THANKS GOD =)
feel much better.

although i know that once i relise how much freeking homework i have..
hahahahah =)
its gnna distract me from my personal life again.
i think thats what happened.
i got so caught up in school work
and i was in the middle of getting better.
i just.. lost it.
ill make it =)

so much hormonal stuff as well
i mean .. 0-o
iono hahahahahaha.
crushes and whatnot.
its stupid.
but yeahh =)
as chrystal says.
you cant help it.
i know ill get over it hahaha =)
pretty much impossible.
but.
yes.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
=)
ill try not to hide all my sadness.
but then again you dont want to depress everyone around you yeahh?
ahhahahhaha.

God is good =)

3.7.09

okayy. before you start reading.. this may turn
out to be pretty depressing loll =)
but you know. there's always a silver lining.

i havent blogged in a while.
im actually pretty busy. i guess i've half enjoyed it
all these distractions have .. distracted 0-o me from..
what has been happening around me.
i mean, not as in politically around me.
more like.. my emotions and what not.

a few blogs ago hahaha blogs ago..
0-o
yeahh anywayy..
before, a while back, i was getting more confident,
more sure of myself.
it always seems that everytime you get back up on your feet..
everything seems to crash right down again.
i used to forget about all the things i didnt have,
and concentrate on the things that i did have.
it was all good.
until things started happening.

it wasnt anything that you would notice..
it was the things that I notice.
i know if i wrote it down here,
you would be thinking, ahh thats not that bad,
you'll live. but thats what i thought at first.
it was like.. people we unconciously and continuously
reminding me of all the things that had made me feel like poo.
they didnt realise, i didnt realise, well..
i did. but i thought that if i just ignored it,
and moved on.. it'll all be alright again.
i was alright for a while.. but i guess..
it all just built up and it was too much to deny.

if i had the perfect life.. it would be too boring.
but the life i have now is so hard.
i know i can live through it with God.
and i wont give in.

when they showed the girl that commited suicide in motivational media..
i thought of myself.
but then i was like..
NO. I DONT HAVE DEPRESSION! =(
im fine.
i have God.
and he's protecting me.
i have no reason to be depressed.
i have the most lovely family! most of the time..
i have supportive friends.
but.. when i try to discuss it with people..
i guess.. they dont take what im saying right,
or i cant explain it..
or.. they think im joking,
or they make a joke of it.

i wish i had someone to tkae me seriously,
and help me through it.
i know im not depressed.
im just going through a stage.
i know there is God.
and im waiting for his reply.
tonight, when i sleep.
all i'll think about is God.
and how much he loves me.
just to know that God loves me is amazing.
someone so big and so powerful
he cares about me.
this... person that thinks she's not much
he thinks she's everything.

the thing is..
i know all the facts.
i know that im not the ugliest person
i know that im not the dumbest.
i know that people love me
i know that im worth something.
yet. when i think about people that i hardly know
and how i think they see me
its like.. iono.
i just want someone that i hardly know to see me as something special.
i know its never going to be like in the movies.
i guess my standards are too high.
but.. theres always that little thing that you hope for.

Thankyou God.
Thankyou for your love.
thankyou that you gave me so many people that love me.
thankyou for my life.
thankyou for my health.
thankyou for you.
I love you.
forever.




xo.

14.6.09

WEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
I HAVENT BLOGGED IN SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LONG =)

hahahahahah.
been so busy latelyy.
textiles homework is stressing me outttt.
and english
and cooking.
OH MY GOSH
=)
ill manage.

anywayy.
my attempt at being more confident has succeded =)
hahahaha
proud of myselffffffff.
now im aiming to be more brave =)
ITS NOT THE SAME THING.
trust me =)

i recently had a mini break down =)
MINI. not majr hahahaha.
well, i was thinking likee.
ive never been asked out before, and im thinking.
whats wrong with me?
like all girls think you knoww,
and i was thinking about all the people that im so close to liking
but im restraining myself from.
hahaha =)

i act all weird around people when i like them.
like, if i dont like them, and are just their friend.
i think i flirt a bit.. iono 0-o
but like, if i like someone
ill try to avoid them coz i know il mess things up hahahah xD

anywayyyy.
i was also thinking how i ALWAYS make a fool of myself
in the biggest situations hahaha xD
i mean, i dont mind..
but yeahh. its just my personality ahahah =)

yeahhhhhhhhhhh.
so..
short post.
boring post.
iono.
cbs to explain everything.
majorly diluted =)

God is great =)
life is great =)




xo.

30.05.09

wow, i havent posted something in likeee 15 dayss D:
THATS A LONG TIMEEE.
but now to ramble about life =)
hahahaha.
i changed my smiley to =)
coz.. it looks awesomeeeeeeeeee =D

anywayyy.
yeahh okayy my new resolution..
not new YEARS resolution.. coz its likee may =)
anywayy
my new resolution isss
to not be so self consious =)
i was so proud of myself that i made that decision =D
until i started telling people. i was telling people so thatt i could have some support you know?
anywayy
i told my sister first, and she's like good. that wasnt too bad =)
and then i told my friend soozy. ==
she was like YOU ARE SELF CONSCIOUS!!
and i was thinking.. why would i make a decision to aim to not be so self conscious if i wasnt?
likee, STATE THE OBVIOUS WOMANNNN.
that didnt go through well, made me feel pretty bad.

yeahhss, ive been more confident lately =)
thats a pretty continuous thing, which is good =D
and ive also been able to make friends more easily
which is ALSO good =)
im also hopelessly single =)
hahaha.
not trying to advertisee xD

i find its alright being singlee.
i mean, theres no restrictions.
and besidess im only 14.
its not like i'm gnna die anyday soon xDDDD
hahahahahahahhaha =)

OH YEAHHHHHHHHHH
i also moved recently =)
that was pretty hecticcc.
we've been in this house for about a week now,
and we're not settled in yett
but, we'll get there
hopefully before the holidays =)
so i can have a sleepoverrrr! =DDDDD
that should be funn hahahahaha
LOOK FORWARD TO IT >=)

God is good =)
life is awesomeeeee.




xo.

15.5.09

BAHAHAHHAHAAHA.
okayy my week was soooooooo filled up with.. stuff =]
hahaa.

it ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL started on tuesday =]
it was my birthdayyy!! =D
that was pretty funn =]
i wasnt actually expecting anythingg
i thought everyone was pretty busy and everything so like..
they dont have to get me anythingg its alrightt =]
but then at lunch HAHHAHA.
i went to sit with my friends
and they had this HUGEEEEEEE TOTORO =DDD
IT WAS SOOOO CUTE.
i was like laughing my head off =D
half embarressed and half of feeling appreciated LOLL.
i was so happy =]
hahaa. i had to carry it around for 2 periods thoughh xD
was funn =]

when i got home rightt.
i wasnt expecting anything eitherr =]
i thought through all the moving and stuff, they wouldnt hve time to
buy me a cake or whateverr.
but i guess it truly is a family tradition to give a bday cake at night
ahhaha
COZ THEY DIIDDD =D it was yummyyy.
it was chocolate and cherry =] mmmmmmm.
and then they gave me pressiesss =]
i felt so loved
i got 2 pandora charmsss =D
and earphones which i must add are VERYYY pretty =]
and a cover for my ipod touchh =D
i felt so appreciated and lovedd =]

though i still think to myself sometimes.. if we didnt have all these luxury items..
we could probably be living in our own home now..
but.. i guess we do need to spoil ourselves sometimes =]
hahahha.

ANYWAYY THANKYOU VERY MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH =D
i love you all. not coz of pressies but like.. for being heaps nice and stuff hahhhaaha.

yeahh so the next day
i was soooooo sick xD
like.. i had the flu and a cold and i lkiterally felt like poo ><
hahaha.
i dont wanna go into the detailss. just incase all of you are eating HAHAAHA.
but let me tell you, it was pretty miserable.
yeahh so i stayed home that day =D
and watched re-runs all day
and the simpsons movie AHHAHA.
and thennn i went to school the next day
coz imma good girl =D
ahhaha. i had to do maths testtssss.
they werent that bad.
cept i pretty much guessed half the questionss HAHAH.
yeahh.
and on friday (todayyyyyyy) i had to do a make-up test for reading.
hmmmmm i hope i do well
i wanna get in the top band
or like.. band 9 =]
oh the joys of government tests =D

weeeeeeeee.
listen to last chance by ginuwine =]
its so good =D


god is good =D
life is good.






xo.

8.5.09

yeppsss.
so i havent been posting alot for the past.. few WEEEEKSSSS.
hahahah.
just had TWOO tests todayy.
english and maths.
the most important subjects in school life xD
amazingly i was pretty calm about it.
hmm.
the tests werent as hard as i thought.
like.. it was like doing a practice test LOLOLL.

yes. so next weekk, i have five tests in three days.
two on tuesday, one on wednesday and two on thursday.
ITS THE NAPLAN TESTSSSSSSS D:
i know im not supposed worry,
coz the teachers are all like ITS EASYYY
ITS BASIC SKILLSSS.
what if i dont have basic skillsss?????
what if i wanna do better than have the BASIC skills.
hahahaha.
blehhh..

WE'RE MOVINGGG =D
yayyy. im always excited about moving =D
its like.. a new house to live in xD
hahahaaha.
i dont really like the house we're living in now anywayysss.
its got cockroaches everywhereee D:
and like. spiders and little jumpy bugs Dx
blaaaaahhhh.

i think.
that i know why im.. SEMI-depressed lOLL.
i think its coz..
im not confident with myselff.
i mean.. i know this is really personal and whateverr.
but, i think its coz i think im letting myself down
because im not good at talking to people, like.. when i first meet them.
im REALLYYY bad at that.
like.. what is there to talk about if you hardly know the personn? 0-o
thats my problem LOLOLL.

but enough of me babbling on about my problemmsss xD
today we gave steph her bday pressiee =] hahaha.
we got her NCIS xD
and like.. she was like ohhh i see something =]
and then she opened it right.
and then there was this pause..
and then she screamed sooooo loud HAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAH.
SHE WAS LIKE ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
=]
it was so funny =]
she made my day =D

my bday on tuesdayy.
i cant wait
but then again.. im not.
like.. when its you're bday, sometimes you expect so much
that when you actually recieve your pressie.
you're a bit disappointed.
COME ONNN ADMIT IT.
you know that it happens sometimeess.
so im trying not to expect much.
like.. i actually dont know what i want for my bday this year.
hahahaha xD
i think basically all i want lots of hugs.
and im being seriouss.
like.. hugs make me feel so loved.
o gosh im gnna cry..


MOVING ONNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
well,
school next week's gnna be so interesting.
lets see how i do in my tests =DDD
yayyyyyyy.

god is so amazinggg.





xo.

22.4.09

ahhhhhhhhhh the joys of life.
I FREEKING LOVE HOMWORK =DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
especially in the holidays >=]
hahhahaha

jokinggg.
i just re wrote a story about challenge.
that wasnt so boring =D
writing stories are funnnn.
loll =D
the thing that im pretty annoyed about is mathletics.
its sooooo boring ><
ITS MATHS ==
hahahahahaha.
and its pretty stupid.
coz the teacher gave us this homework on mathletics right,
it was like 15 tests ><
and one of them doesnt even make sense D:
coz like.. you cant put the letters in for the algebra.
BOOOOOOOOOOO.
you suck mathletics =D

hahaha.
i havent been on lately.
or maybe i have.
loll xD i dont think i realise coz ive been out so much.
you see. when its school time, my weeks are basically all filled up.
so i dont really go out at all with friends.
but then when holidays arrive
i try to make the most of it =D
hahahaha TRYYYYYY.
but im at home now.
coz. i had to do homework.
seems like i finished it all =D
hahahahah.

i still needa buy olivia's pressie =D
i think i know what im getting her.
its a matter of whether its available or not.
and i still needa get money from people xD
ahhahahaa.
andd. im going iceskating with steph i think tomorrow or the day after.
=D exciteddddddddddddd.
yayy =D

this is a really short post 0-o
hmmmm.
seems like not being at school means being far FAR away from drama =D
which is good and bad in a way.
good because it keeps my life interesting.
bad coz drama sometimes pulls people and friendships apart.
bleh.
schools back in a week EXACTLYYY.
hahahahaahha.
im excited =]


life is good.
God is definately all good =]





xo.

15.4.09

wow.
i haven't been blogging in a while
heheh. my bad.
having too much fun in the holidays.
or could be that i couldnt be botherd to go on the computer =D

anywayy.
went to the eastershow on fridayy with stephhhhh wongg.
twas much fun =D
we didn't go on the rides cos they were so expensiveee.
but we did walk around alot =D
gotta love that exercise.
we saw ravin and jack there hahahaha.
and then when we were waiting for the bus home,
there were so many buses that went to dural and rouse hill
and our bus didnt come till like an hour later xD
hahahahaha.
but.
we were really happy with our showbags =D
weeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

yeahh.
and then that night we went to vicky's partayyy.
it was heaps fun.
we watched half a movie,
then another half a movie xD
hahaha. then we played guitar hero. with my screaming HAHA.
and then dinner was yummayyyy.
VERRY YUMMY =D
we had spring rolls, and chicken wings and pizza and.. LETTUCE =D
hahahaha.
well yeahh we went upstairs to talk and stuff.
and at the end of the night we were all SOOOOOO tired.
and vicky had this massive headache.
loll. was good thoughh..

yeahh.
then yesturdayy which was .. tuesdayy. i went to stephs house.
which is the usual for the holidayss xD
hahaa. well yeahh we played sims for a while.
and like, her sister took us to rouse hill town centree.
we walked around.
but VERY unfortunately we didnt have any money ><
BOO. and then when we got home we got ice cream =]
hahaha.
yeahhhh

well today i think im going to exercise with olivia.
then i think we'll go visit judy and jane 0-o
maybe..
what if they get annoyed? D:
ahhhhhhhhhhh!!
loll xD we'll run awayy
thats at like 1:30
so i've got a while to wait ==
.........
....................
..
==
bleh.
holidays are fun =D
and boring.

i cleaned my room.
well. half cleaned it.
im so proud of myself =D
yayy.

life is good =D
God is good =D






xo.

8.4.09

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
hahah =]
big entrancee.
today i kinda felt weird 0-o
its like not depressed.
but i didn't feel like talking alot.
which is very VERY unusual for me =D
hahahah.
hopefull tomorrow i'll be heaps social,
coz its the last day of school tomorrowww =D
yayyyy.

JUDY DIED HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahaha =D
it looks so awesomee.
asian, but awesome xD
it like shines in the light HAHAHAHAHA.
it looks cute on her thoughh....

moving on..
HHAHA.
i started and finished my geography assignment todayy =D
i was like putting it off so much,
then today i realised it was due tomorrow.
so i thought i might as well finish it xD

loll.
my sister went driving for the first time yesturday =]
it was pretty boring actually.
she's really good for the first time =D
even though we nearly crashed into a few cars xD
haha.
i cant wait till i get to drive >=]
muahahah.
i have no idea what kind of driver ill be.
HMMMMMMMMMM.

you know;
i reckon im not too good at making friends.
its kinda sad.
coz like, ive always grown up with my sister right there
talking for me ==
but now she's all like WHY CANT YOU TALK FOR YOURSELF??
hahaha xD
my badd.
im learning though =]
im getting better.
its easier when she's not around, and im there by myself.
coz when my sister's around, they all direct the questions at her,
and she normally takes over anyway.
its kinda annoying.
but yes. life is good.

i have figured, as chrystal told me ages ago [ive mentioned this before]
i make a fool of myself all the time.
its my character.
i used to hate it xD
hahaha. i used to be so embarresed, hiding away from everything.
but now, i reckon id rather laugh at myself.
it makes everyone laugh too xD HAHAHA.
makes me feel like everyone laughs with me, not at me.

I RECKONNNNNNNN.
life is only good if you have a positive side on everything.
like if you look at something on a negative viewpoint,
of course its gnna seem realy bad,
but if you say naww its alright i guess,
or if you get over it really quick THEN everythings okay =]
SEEEEEE?? i know some people who are pretty pesimistic [i learnt that word from everybody loves raymond >=)]
if something happens they're all like MY LIFE IS OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
and they mean it xD
ahahha. but like i only do it as a joke.
then im like.. im good.
HAHAHA.
BUT YESHHH
optimicism - uhmm is that a word? - is very good;

loll.
just a little note.

i might be going easter show on.. friday or tuesday
iono.
hahaha xD and in the holidays.
hmmmmmmmmmmmm
i gtta plan stuff xD
HAHAHA.
my whole holidays are free,
im gnna go city with jane definately. >=]
hhahhaha..

life is good.
always getting better.
growing with God.





xo.

3.4.09

you know, i love the colur yellow =D
haha;
i'd actually love to be yellow..
not that im not yellow now. my asianess xD
haha.
well i wanna be the collour yellow cozz..
it represents the type of person i wanna be.
bright, and even if some of its shades are a bit ickyy,
it stands out with confidence.
and its not the type of colour that can make you sad.
yeahh it might make you feel weird if its a pooey colour xD
but its a playful, colourful colour =D
it always brightens up something, even though its a little.

I WANNA BE LIKE THAT =D
hahaha.
im seriouss.
but oh, if it were only that easy.

holidays are soon =D
im going to the easter show with steph.
i think i shall invite more people =D
hahaha.
i actually have not much planned for the holidays.
its like, the first holidays of the year.
fun =D
i think most of the time im gnna be at stephs house HAHA.
that'd be fun >=] loll.

i got homeworkk.
but i dont seem to feel like doing it xD
haha. i gotta finish my storyy.
its on challenge. its for english =]
and i already did my fod tech assignment =D
which i am not too proud of. but its food tech 0-o
andd. i think i have a geography assignment.
its.. making a newspaper article on natural disasters..
that should be fun.. ==
but. ill get it done on time =D

lalala.
my sister's coming home tonight =D
maybe ill be able to stay up till 12 midnight just so i can see her come back =D
YAYYY
unless im not allowed. hmm. im sure i'll be allowed. since it is FRIDAY =D

hahah.
life is good.



xo.

1.4.09

APRIL FOOLS =D

haha.
no one really cared about april fools today..
it was more like..
EH STUFF YOU 0-o.

yeahh.
well.. im SUPPOSED to be at hip hop right now ==
but it seems like my dad is too caught up in work to rake me D:
[ahah AND IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.. CAUGHT UP GOT ME FEELING IT.. CAUGHT UP]
...
yeahh
he knew he had to take me there like ages ago ><
and then like, i called him 15 minutes before,
and he's like..
by the time i come to pick you up it'll be 8 o clock ==
and that means ill only have half an hour of dancing.
THATS SO SUCKY.
argh.
i was actually excited about going to hip hop =D
i love it.
i did it ages agoo. but the teacher was bad.. so i stopped.
hhahahaha xD
but the teachers good now =D
but you see. I COULDNT GET THERE =[

ahh well.
there's next week.
well, my sister's in Jindabyne right now.
probably eating dinner xD
hahahah. she's on camp for the whole week.
and i sorta miss her D:
its like.. when i get home, theres no one to say hi to.
and then like, i have to wait for my mummy to come home to say hi to her.
IM SO LONELYYY.
haha xD
ill probably stay back tomorrow or something,
unless i have homework.
0-o
homework is not good =D

hmm,
ive been pretty intrested about makeup lately xD
i have no idea why.
i mean, i know makeup makes everyone look better,
but like.. IM DRAWN TO IT =D
hahahaha.
i wanna learn how to put it on properly
i think i wrote this in my previous blog 0-o
lemme check..

oh. i didnt.
haha o well.

ANYWAYY
yes. i really wanna know how to put it on properly myself,
coz you know.. there wont always be someone to put my makeup on for me xD
hahaha.
i'll get it right =]
hahahaha..

the future scares me.
i think ive said it before,
but like.. thinking about the future just freaks me out.
then i start panicking.
loll xD its not like.. heart attack panicking
its more of.. what am i gnna do? panicking.
its like.. i think how im gnna last without my rents and all.
i guess i just have to be more confident in myself =D
but yeahh.
i think ill stick with living in the present right now.

Life is good.
God is good.





xo.

29.03.09

i loveee sundays =D
i dunno whyy thoughh.
there's just something about having a day where you dont have to learn anything, just like... ebrace the moment and do whatever =]

i go to church with the family in the morning you see =D
and that really raises my spirits xD
i lovee itt.
its so like... free. =D
i just really like releasing my heart out to God.
i mean. i can do that anywhere, but its kinda hard to since i live with my mum and dad and sister xD
hahahaa.
im only 13 you see.
HAHA.

I think alot.
=]
sometimes, actually most of the time.. im like visualising different scenarios xD
hahahahah.
its actually pretty fun.
but then.. i start wishing it would happen.
and it doesnt.
thats the bad thing about hope xD
but you need expectations =D
you can't stop thinking about what will happen in the future =D

blahh two more weeks of school xD
and then the HOLIDAYSSSS =D
hopefully i can go to the royal easter show >=]
that'd be heaps of funn.
and then.. i think i might be babysitting.. AND ACTUAL BABY 0-O
LOLL. normally i babysit like toddlers.
xD anywayy.
im also trying to plan other stuffs.
hopefully it wont be boring
OH YEAHH
im gnna buy makeup >=]
and im gnna learn how to put it on properly HAHAH.
i can like. sorta do it. messily.
but i can keep practicing =D
i dont think my parents would mind.
i need the practice =D
to get the lines straight and all HAHAHAHA.

yeahh
i think this post is really long.
i normally have nothing to tlak about 0-o
its really weird.
well.
anywayy. im really hoping that i can like, get the spirit of God on me,
so i can share it to all my friends at school =D
that'd be so awesomee.
so WATCH OUT jane and judy if you're reading >=]
hahahaha. im only saying jane and judy coz they're the only ones that write something on blogger xD
i must recruit!!!!!!!!!!
HAHA.





xo.

25.3.09

today in textiles was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNYYYY!!!
HHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
i couldnt breathe half the time xD
but before i tell you, you'll probably think im some huge idiot.
anywayy..

before we went into the classroom, soozy was telling us about something
she was like one of my friends was like to someone else 'hey you have brown tips!' and then the someone else was like 'brown tits?' and then im like ............ 'doesnt everyone have brown tits?'
HAHAHA ITS NOT MY FAULT =]
she was the one who brought it up
and the way she said it was like that girl didnt know that everyone had brown tits. ==

and then and thenn.
when we were cutting our material, we were all like.
sorta silent
and hainke [caitlyn] goes "KACHOWWWWW"
hahahaha
ahahhahahaahahahha
made me laugh sooooooo hard xD

but you see.
i laugh at everything.
so. yepps.
thats me xD hahahahah

well yeahh.
the teacher's really nice,
cept she got a bit annoyed xD hahahha.
she was like "NO HAPPINESS!!!"
and we all started laughing again xD
ahahah
but she's awesomee.

yeahh life is good so far.
I AM successfully trying to not like anyone =]
its workingg
yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy =D
but then when people start liking you ==
well its them who has to suffer =D
not youu i guess xD
ahahhahahaa




xo.

23.3.09

I was gnna write beforee.
but like. i knew no one would read it so i didn't botherr.
but yeahh
i figured since so much is happening in my life i would write =D
and then when im older i'll remember it one day and read all that's happened.

I've been so busy the past week
its like. assignment time xD
hahahaha.
its always at the end of the term when everything happens.
its so fustrating >=[
im still aiming to get everything done earlier though.
there's always a next time. most of the time.
hahahahha xD

well yeahh. i've finally given up on liking guys.
i mean, i know i have no chance,
and i know i'm not exactly ready for a gf anywayys.
so like. ill just leave it for now.
im only in year 9. and im not desperate HAHAHA.
imagine if i was. id be such a sad case xD

omgoshhh im scared.
i did a speech in english
and i got to the next stage of like interclass thingy.
loll xD
its like, when you compete against different classes.
but still! ITS FREEKING SCARYY.
i remember when i did i before, i was sooooooooo nervous.
i stuffed up so much.
but i think im more confident now i guess.
im not as nervous xD
most probably because i know more people in the school,
and i must admit, my self esteem has rised a bit.

as i said before, i realised you don't have to be up yourself to be confident.
it made me so happy to figure that out =D
hahahahah.

But yeahh.
life's been good.
God's been good.
I just have to get past all these assignments xD
i think i have like 1 left
hahahahaa. =D
im so excited hahahahahaha.

OH YEAHH.
i forgot. my sister's cruise was last saturday! =D
it was all fancy and stuff
and this guy tried to dance with me HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
i was like.
... no.
xD im so mean. BUT IM SERIOUS. he was really bad.
he looked like the lanky man from elmo's world xD
he was THAT bad.
but it was fun
we did some dancing and then we sat outside
and watched the world go by
it was really cold, but you sorta got used to it XD

so much fun xD
i gotta figure out what im gnna do for MY bday 0-o
hmmmmm...





xo.

swimming carninval 09

SO MUCH FUNN!!
we were like the first ones theree =D
loll and it was full sunny.
we were playing cards =DD
and like.
everytime a race started which was like... every 30 seconds
i was like "GO STRICKLAAAAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!"
and then everyone looked at me like i was some idiot.
but i still have my voice! =D

i screamed so loud you wouldnt believe it.
and then when the relays cam on it was like..
YOU COULDNT HEAR ANYTHING!
coz everyone was like, screaming and cheering for their team =]
haha.
i was so much funn.
i cant wait for athletics carnival >=]
im so gnna win the 100m.
STRICKLAND WON THE SWIMMING CARNIVALL.
so happy.
i reckon it was coz i was screaming so much >=]
hahahahhaa.

i refused to be quiet!
when someone was talking to me, and a race was starting
i was like. wait a minute.
and started screaming for 5 seconds xD
then id go back to conversationss.
HAHA.
it was mad fun.
bahaha.
so hot.






xo.

=O FINALLYYY.

i finally gots msn!! =D
i mean, i had a hotmail.
but never was i allowed to use msn.
coz of viruses or whatever xD
but i got it!
now im trying to get some emoticons 0-o
i find its a bit annoying to have too many.
but yeahh, a few is good =]

ahahhahaa.
im so happy =D
i think im finally over the whole, im so depressed yet happy stage.
im over it xDD
HAHAHA.
im so free =]









weeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!





xo.

mixed emotionsss.

argh
cant believe i actually got back into this game.
its so fustrating, yet i cant stop it.
I HATE CRUSHES XDDD
HAHAHAHHAHA.
im happy, yet im sad.
im happy coz im always happy =]
but, im sad. coz the person i like desnt even notice me =[
so depressingg.
blahh.

HAHAHAHHAA
my friend just told me to tell him,
and i told her i didnt wanna go out with anyone yet.
and she's like WHAT!??!?!?!?!?
iono if i should.
coz if i tell him i like him and he says he likes me too.
thats a good thing right? 0-o
but if he doesnt say anything.
thats awfully awkward.
and.. he doesnt talk much anyway.
so even if he does like me, we wont talk much xDD
hahahaha

but yeahh.
whatevs. ill figure it out.



xo.

nooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! xD

heatwave this weekend!!
ahhhhhhhhhh!!!
everyone get those ice cod towels outttttt!!!!!! xDD
hahahaha.
i cant wait.
well, i can. coz 37 is already like, majorly hot.
but i like it when the weather is hot, but you arent sweating.
its like, dry hot.
i dont like it when its wet and hot, like. humid xDD
haha. when its dry, i can enjoy the warmth =DD

loll.
school is funn now =D
iono why. but it is xD cept for photography.
i mean, i like photography and all, but.
my teacher is boring.
he talks and talks and talks...
and his voice is like, monotone.
loll xDD
yeahh. but i can't wait to sho him what i can do =DD
hopefully he'll like it =D
haha.

i get over things so fast.
its like, one day, im in love with something,
and the next day, i look at it..
and im like, gee. thats interesting.. 0-o
haha xDD iono, thats just me.

but school is good =D
my aim of trying at school is working =DD
im actually so like, concentrated on my work
i dont eat or listen to music, mainly coz my sister is playing some really really loudly.
but yeahh, im really into school now xDD
hahahah.
could be because i have different subjects. and its interesting =]
or maybe its just coz its the beginning of the year,
and i know if i dont do my homework ill have nothing else to do.
we'll see.

i promise ill try not to slack off.
i really do.





xo.

Saturdayy =]

loll today was pretty good i guess =]
dancing was really hot.
not tiring. hot xD
loll. im so unfit now, coz of holidays and all.
and im so unflexi too! D:
oh wells.

well i think im over the whole, "im so depressed" thing.
at least for now. Once I go to school on monday it'll all come back xDD
yeahh. I really didn't want it to though.
kinda sucks.
thats what happens when you're a lonely poo like me xDD
hahahaha.

You know,
i've made up my mind =]
i figured, there actually is a way to be confident and not stuck up.
coz before, i always hid myself, coz i thought that
if i wore shorts, or if i made myself stick out,
and be confident, i'd look stuck up.
but, i guess, ive seen confident people that arent stuck up!
which kinda confused me, probably leading to me crying alot xD
that was all last year.

I've left it behind, and now, im me =]
i'm gnna make a new years resolution.
even though it is a month late xD
im gonna be confident, believe in myself while not being too stuck up xD
i hope i dont come across stuck up though 0-o
i really do.
but yes. if anyone reads this, and i seem really stuck up.
please tell me >< yeahh =]

what?!?! i wrote something, and i looked at it.
AND IT WAS GONNE!!!!!!!!!! ==
hmm lemme remember.

i actually worry about my image alot.
even though i know its not everything.
but first impressions you knoww.
i always thought i was this ugly poo that doesnt have any friends.
but now, i guess i think of myself as alright,
not the best. of course. pshh i wish i was prettier xDD
but yeahh, im alright.
xD it feels weird writing this.
i actually hope no one reads this.





xo.

ahhhh!!!

it was the second day of school today!
im actually excited about school noww xDDD
i have no idea why.

but i realised,
that even though i had this hugeee break in between
all those feelings that i had when school finished came back.
AND ITS KILLING MEE!!
the great thing about this is that no one reads it xDD
so i can like, say anything and no one would care.
but yeahh.
its like, i was sure that i would have a new start,
new classes, meet new people.
the amazing thing is,
i know most of the people in the class.
and its freeking pooey!

i was sure all the weirdness would go away,
it just wouldnt, you just stand out.
after a day i didn't really care much.
but its only been 2 days, and im already stressing.

loll i feel like i sound really weird xDD
changing subjectss!!
hhahahha.
yeahh.
ive had freeking maths homework the first two days =[
MATHS! ==
and its all revision.
but you see, im not all that smart.
i mean, im smart. but holidays just make me dumbe again =D
so yeahh, revisiong homework takes a while for me xDD
hahahaha.
when i get into the middle of the year ill be fine.
ill be the smartest person you know.

coz this year im aiming to actually try my hardest =]
coz last year, it was year 8.
nothing much happens.
so i sorta didnt try hahah xDD
i got pretty good reports though =D
most of the comments from the teachers were stuff like..
michelle should apply herself
michelle must concentrate on editing her stuff
hahahah xDD
so evidently i didnt try.
but yeahh, i know i can do like, smart poo stuff so.
i might as well =D

just a little rant about school =]
stress reliever.
just a huge shock when school started.
haha.




xo.

First Day Of School! =oo

today was the first day of schoolll ><
twas pretty fun =D
i have a weird teacher for science though ==
and the people in my science class are all jerks =[
its kinda sad xDD

well, my chest is all better now =D
i think it maybe was coz i never got any exercise hahahah xD
coz you know.. holidays and all xDD
well, yeahh

tomorrow i go to school again +DD
i think i have like 3 periods of food tech HAHAH.
yeahh so...
there isnt really much to talk about that isnt like,
too private HAHAH.
yeahh.
so.
..
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
hahahahahhahahaha.





xo.

lalalaaa!

went to towers with steph and soozy todayy! =D
was much funn xDD
got my hair cutt =]
happy with it xD
the lady was really nice.
although she thought i was older than i am xDD
she was like.. "so, you arent going to work today?"
hahahaha.

got volleys for cheerleading =DD
yayy cheerleading!
U G L Y HAHAHHAHAHAA.
well no.
my chest feels the same though D:
still kinda spasms up xDD
hahaha.

school is in two daysss ==
cept my sister has to go back tomorrow hahaha.
i still have to cover my books hahah.
yeahh i think this year will be pretty funn =D
even though year 8 was a bludge xDD
im aiming to actually try this year.

first day back i have to go to the office and ask for my report from last year ==
they didnt send it to me!
and i got my semester 1 report without redirecting,
so its their bad xDD
ahhahahaa.
they're gonna be like.. 0-o
we didnt send it to you? =oooo
hahaha xD
hope i got good marks =]
maybe they didnt send it coz i got really really bad marks! =o
thatd be pretty bad.
also pretty impossible.
coz im not that dumb =D
i just have to try a little bit to get in the top xDD
hahaha.
but. i cbs.






xo.

arghhh.

It's australia dayy!!
and its chinese new year 0-o
loll xD
gotta love those public holidays =DD
even though its in our school holidayss xD
you know, we're not getting easter holidays either!!
or an anzac long weekend! =[
kinda pooey if you ask mee.

ughh.
last night started this thing,
its like everytime i breathe or anything
theres this pain between my boobies and my collarbonee ><
i hope its nothing serious,
my rents said it was just that i bruised something while i was lying on the floor xD
coz sometimes i like to lie on the floor while i watch tv xDD
hahahaha.
but it really hurtss!!
and i read on the internet
i could have torn a ligament or something ><
or i could have some problems with my lungs!! D::::
which kinda scares me ><
but, my rents will be like,
NAAA YOU'RE FINE =D
and ill worry my butt off.
then it all turns out im fine ><

haahha.
going to towers tomorrow
to get my hair cut =DD
and maybe do some stuff xD
oh! i went shopping with my family yesterday =DD
got an awesome top for $25 =DDDD
and shorts too for $25
and also a bag!! =D
like, for school xDD for $20
=DD its pretty cool =D
yeahh.



xo.

blehhhhh.

It's so hott ><
i went to lunch todayy with a bunch of people i didnt know..
it was really boring D:
i didnt feel like making any new friends ==
loll! xD
their house was really nicee. it was split level =DD
it was like, my dream house =DD

anyywayys, so when i came home i had a showerr.
and then my mummy put dettol on my gash thingy.
I got it from ice skating, i fell down xDD
it was like, freezing so i couldnt feel it.
and its along my hip bone coz my hip sticks out,
coz im pretty big boned xDD
hahahhaha.
anywayy, yeahh so you can sorta guess that it hurts.
the bruise on my bone is healed though =D
so when i touch it i can only feel the skin that hurts xDD
yeahh... its still white ==
its pretty deep.

but enough of my grusome stories xDD
hhahahaha.
school starts soon T.T
im like, half looking forward to it, and half not.
coz i like school coz of friends and all.
but i dont like school coz of work ==
loll xDD
they should pay us to do work >=]
hahaha.
i hope im not alone in any of my classes.
im not really good at making friends..
unless i have friends already there.
then im fine xDD butt, i reckon i should be finee =]

Hold My Heart Dont Break It;;
It is yourss.
It is
yourss.
It is yourss.

xo.

yayy =D

went to towers with my mummy todayy =]
we went to get my school stuff! =DD
got lotsa colour pens and markers and stuff >=]
which will be fun to decorate xDD
but its so freeking hot todayy.
we went to towers, and it was really really hot in the carpark!!
but then when we went into the main shopping center, it was so nice and cool xDD
but butt, when we went into k-mart... it was so hott.

yeahh. so now i have all these books, and i have no idea how to wrap them ==
i should figure it outt >=]
yeahh, short post, but.. i just figured it would be good to tell people this stuff.
my daily day xDDD
bahahahahhahahaha..







xo.

woahh.

I've been looking around at other peoples blogs
mostly because of my extreme bordem from staying home...
but yeahh anywayss.
they all seem to write so much!!!
makes me feel like my life is really really boring xDD
but then againn, they could have written all this poo about nothing,
like i'm doing right now xD

but yeahh, its nearly lunchtime and im pretty damn hungry.
ive been up since likee... 9:30
and i felt like poo. but then again i couldnt get myself sleeping

i keep thinking about the computers we're gonna get this yearr.
i hope they're good since they're spending like $2000 on it.
if it isnt im gonna be really angry =[
coz yeahh, i doubt they'll give us some really bad computer for school work.
Coz they said it was supposed to motivate us.
IT BETTER BE GOOD D:

loll.
i normally go out...
but today i was gonna go meet up with an old church friend,
then iono what happened xDD
my sister said she was gonna go city,
then she ended up going to towers..
but yeahh =D
all i do is go with the flow =DD

im still peeling from freeking beach D:
its nearly all peeled out i think...
i got pretty burnt xDD

yeahh. have a good dayy =DD
imma go eat lunch =]






xo.

Wednesdayy.

weee!!
on monday - tuesday i slept over at nikis house, along with steph and soozy!! =DD
it was majorly alot of funn xD
we ate yummy pasta bake and flake ice cream >=]
and we watched movies and i fell asleep halfway through honey which was likeee... 3:30
and other people slept half way through kung fu panda which was like 4??
iono, it was really late =D

In the morning we woke up coz i accidentally put my alarm on at 7:45 xDD
and we had pancakes for breakfast =DD
and soozy bowl of DRY milo cereal xDD
then we went off to towers at about 10 ishh.

at towers we met vickyy.
and we watched seven pounds.
soozy and vicky and steph wouldnt stop freeking talking. ==
but it was reaaalllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy good =D
i criedd.
butt yeahh, it was heaps awesomee.
we went shopping, trying to find a bargain.
NO ONE BOUGHT ANYTHING.
cept at target...
niki bought this huge squishy ball =D
it was spiky too =]

yeahh that was heaps funn =DD
we should do it again next time =DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
loll..









xo.

weeeeee!!

Friday was the sleepoverr w/ jane, and olivia and chrystall =DD
was pretty much alot of funn.
we played that francesca game, which didn't turn out to be very scary at all! xD
and we played the wii... and slept, and watched some weird asian movie that I couldn't understand =]
Maybe it just lost a bit when it got translated xDD
yeahh that was heaps funn =D

and then todayy, which is a Sunday...
i went to church =D which was pretty good =]
and thenn, went to a family friends house for lunch and a swimm.
Coz their baby got dedicated todayy, so yeahh.
but I didn't bring my swimmers!!
so i just put my feet in the waterr.
And we played with the little kiddies there and everythingg =]
was pretty funn.

I always think what it would be like when i grow up,
things like what I'll be,
where I'll live..
even though i never know the answers, i know its all in God's hands..
So i'll give it all to him, and I know he'll deal with it =DD
weeeeeeeeeeee.

Gots another sleepover w/ soozy and them tomorrow =D
I promise to write about it when i can >=]
bwahhahahahahaha..






xo.

blehhh.

yeahh soo...

yesterday i went to bondii and it was pretty damn boring.
we didnt do muchh D:
but yeahh,
i got reallyy REAAAAALYYY burnt.
and im all red. it kinda hurts, but i think its sorta going away....
hopefullyyy.

tomorrow im going to ice skatingg =DD
so its like, the total opposite of the beach, but thats good.
i loovvveeee ice skating =D
its really funn =DD

ahhh i cant believe im saying thiss buttt,
i cant wait till school starts again xDD
its hard having to organise stuff and whateverr.
and you get to see your friends everydayy, and then when you go homee, you get to relax with family =]

love my family =] coolest people ever =DD


yeahh, so everyone reading this have fun =]
dont let people tear you down =D







xo.

kayy.

I'm total noob at this xDD
I use to have one, but we all get bored of this stuff soo, i think i deleted it =DD

It's 2009!! bahhahaa. thats so cool.
new year, fresh start.
New class, hope I don't get meanies xDD

but yeahh, i normally have no idea what to say,
thats probably why i stopped.
i just ramble and ramble and ramble on and on and on.. xDD

yeahh.........










soo.
WASSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!! =D

yeahh.

xo.