okay. i know its been a while.
i just havent bothered.
but now, it seems like since i stopped, so much stuff has built up haha.
its like. i wanna tell someone, but.. i dont wanna put all my poo on other people.
so. i'll share it here i guess.
ill let you know whats up, so that you can skip all the stuff that seems boring to you haha.
1 - guys. confusing. full stop.
2 - friends. nothing bad, just like. confused.
3 - school. why? D:
bah. normal stuff. different situation.
1 - guys. yes. this IS for girls derr. =) but like. you gotta admit, guys are soooo confusing. no matter what people say, guys never know what they're doing. To all of you that dont know, yes. i do like someone LOLL. he was really nice, ugly.. but nice haha =) its just.. so many things have happened. and i thought it was all good. wait. lemme start from the beginning.. so all of you out there dont die trying to figure this out. We were in the same team sports, and i guess.. i just fell for him. stupid me. We got along heaps good. and at the beginning of this term, he told my friend that he liked me. But the thing is.. we no longer had team sports. That could have been another reason why things happened. But.. iono. anywayy, so i was like.. what would i do? like.. i'm so.. new.. to this, and nothing has even happened yet. what is wrong with me? Im guessing he doesnt know that i know he likes me. But i know he knows i like him.
Just, the past few.. okay two weeks he's been full avoiding me. It may be because he starts exams TOMORROWW!! or.. not. but it seems like there's a pretty good reason that he's trying to avoid me. But seriously, if it was exams.. why go through alll that trouble to cut me out of his life? Am i really that weird? haha xD but still.. its sorta discouraging. And yes, im getting over him.. but i know im not getting over the fact that he is sooo determined to block me out. I have a problem with things i dont know about. haha xD still.. WHY?
2 - yes. friends. They're good, they're bad. they strangle you and take all your change. but no matter what, you know that you're never going to leave them, you're always going to be there for them, whatever happens. You love them. And i do, honestly, not until late last year, i treated friends like people you could mess around with.. but then all this stuff started happening. I mean, yeahh i've done some damn stupid things, and im sorry. But, it helped me grow.. and all these things that have happened helped me realise how much i really value everyone around me.
So i know this person right, she pretty much hates herself. All you who know her, you have to agree with me. I try sooo hard to help her up on her feet.. i encourage her sooo much, and i tell her about all the wonderful things in her life. Yet, she takes no notice. She denies all the positive good things in her life, and she says all this false, negative things about herself. Its discouraging to her and me, to her because she's putting herself down, and its been going on for sooo long, that she's dug herself into the deepest hole ive ever seen. Its also discouraging for me, because i try so hard, yet.. she's still stuck. So i feel that i can't be of any help. But i never seem to give up.. iono. like.. i know.. i have stopped telling her she's not fat, she's not ugly.. but she knows that i know that. and she denies it. why keep trying? It's just so fustrating. But.. i have to keep goingg. I have to help her up.. she's one of my best friends.. and i know.. i just. i actually want to see her.. open up to people.. and be more confident about herself. She just pushes me away everytime.
To me.. its like she wants to stay in that place of .. depression.. so she can get attention. I've told her, and she denies it. She just.. genuinly thinks shes nothing. WHY? ><
3 - schooooooooooooollllllll.. arghh. stress. I mean, not as much as the first two, of course =) gladly, schools veryy fun. I know it might seem strange, but lately ive had cravings to do science and maths and boring essays. I guess it takes me away from all the social aspects of life. The thing is.. i dont have much of that anymore.. its all passed.. so im stuck thinking about everything in my spare time. LOLL. I have this textiles thing due next week, and im pretty much screwed. My commerce assignment is due tomorrow, and i have no idea what im going to do. I think i just need to step it up. But i need to get motivated. bahh. I just need.. everything to work out..why is school like this? WHYY?
It seems as if, when everything is going well, when everything seems to be like im having the best time of my life, no worries no nothing, everything comes at once. Right at the moment when im just calming down from all the previous things that have been happening, BAMM here comes another 10000 cases of drama. It's not so much about me this time though, which.. is a good thing as well as a bad thing. It's a good thing, because.. i dont feel bad about myself.. but still.. people around me are like.. iono.. its like i feel for them, because i guess.. they matter to me. I think.. the world just needs to stop for a day, so we can all think our lives through, and sort everything out. But.. thats not how things work, people that seem like the happiest of people suicide, even though they have everything to live for. They all just needed a day to sort things out, a day where everyone was there to hear what they have to say, a day for them so scream as loud as they want.. for someone to actually want to listen. They dont need advice, they dont need someone telling them what to do.. they just need to verbally express to someone how they're feeling. Its that release.. that release of stress.. and worry.. that releases them from themselves.
I guess.. they have psychiatrists for that. Maybe i'll become one.. to help people.. iono. maybe not. Im a bit impatient =) This is was God is for. God is love. God is comfort. God is my everything. Even though i have no idea how everything is going to turn out. I know my life is in God's hands. My trust is in you Jesus. =)
xo.
